We all dream of the perfect relationship, preferably with our soulmate. But in reality things don’t resemble the movies. We fall in love with people that are far from perfect and our idea of a soulmate.
“Lived happily ever after” is such a film cliche! Nobody shows you the harsh truth: that any relationship requires daily efforts to make it work the way you want it to.
I recently discussed with friends what are the best advices they never got for a healthy relationship or marriage, but they were forced to find on their own.
We agreed on the following top 10 tips for a happy relationship or marriage :
1. Compromise on a daily basis
Remember your partner/husband is an individual, raised in a different family and background. Don’t expect him to think or act like you. Love requires constant efforts to make it work. Maybe you both share some ideas and values, but your differences actually make you complete as a couple. You don’t have to pretend you share an idea or like something you don’t, like hiking in the woods, for example. But if it makes your partner happy, you could try to understand his/her position on a matter or agree to a certain activity every once in a while.
2. Never go to bed angry with each other
After an argument always find the time to set the record straight and make peace. Sometimes it’s better to be happy than to be right. Don’t start the brand new day with unresolved issues and bitter thoughts.
3. Learn to apologize first
Our ego is rooted in all problems, fights and misunderstandings. Whether you are right or wrong in a certain argument, put your relationship and partner first and learn to make the first step to reconciliation. It feels so good afterwards, right? 🙂
4. Show appreciation & respect
You love this person ‘coz he/she has all these amazing qualities, both personal and physical: your partner is smart, funny, attractive etc. You respect him as a human being and you appreciate him for being in your life. “Thank you for choosing me and for being here with me” can mean a lot to your partner, you know 🙂
5. Give your partner personal space
Everyone likes to enjoy his/her hobbies and meet up with good old friends. If you want to have new things to talk about, spending time apart can be refreshing for your relationship.
6. Find time for things you like to do as a couple
Watching the same TV series, enjoying a walk outside, playing video games, hitting the gym together or any other activity that you both like doing in your free time will increase the positive vibes and make your relationship stronger.
7. Don’t forget intimate dates
Choose a restaurant you always wanted to visit, dress up and go out on a special occasion. Or organise a romantic meal at home. Or why not a picnic under the stars? Just find a moment to get flirty with each other and feel young again. Intimacy is an important part for a healthy relationship.
And don’t forget regular sex and to spice things up in bed too…Everything that makes you both excited !
8. Communicate (and don’t forget to listen)
Communication is an essential part of any relationship. If you don’t share your feelings and thoughts don’t expect it to work smoothly. Nobody can read minds and misunderstandings will occur regularly if you suppose your partner SHOULD know what you like or dislike. Tell him/her your desires, your dreams, your problems. You don’t have to share your deepest secrets if you don’t feel comfortable at this stage. But if you need support and comfort with a certain situation the best way to get the most accurate advice is to share what’s bothering you.
9. Accept your partner’s personality and flaws
You fell for this person. You liked him the way he is. That’s what makes your partner unique. Don’t try to change everything about him, coz one day you’ll say to yourself: “You are not the person I fell in love with!”. If you are not happy with a trait or certain behaviour tell him. Suggest improvement delicately and it will be accepted. Be reasonable and positive. Don’t be mean, don’t blame or emphasize on all the small details that you think need correction. People change because they want to, not because they are told to. If your partner really loves you he/she will take your suggestions in consideration and will try to be a better person for you. Remember: physical appearance is temporary, character is forever!
10. You are a team
Support matters! Showing care for each other in different situations is crutial for the development of your relationship and for your bond to grow stronger. Defending each other and having your backs is the best way to show your partnership. You are an item not only on good but also on bad days…
And finally, one of the most important advices I could give you: you are responsible for your own happiness!
Don’t expect someone else to make you happy or complete. If you want to be loved, you need to love and accept yourself first for who you are and are not. Once you do that you will see that everything seems more wonderful and your relationship runs more smoothly and in a much more positive direction. There is nothing more attractive than a person who knows his worth, has his own principles and values and isn’t afraid to accept other people the way they are.